Family, Bible and Freedom

I am back from the visit to see my relatives. I will no longer use the word family to describe these people anymore. They are people I am related to, my family are others. As far as I could remember I felt as if I was different from my relations and they also had no problem encouraging that thought by their treatment and language towards me. I was spoiled, loose, disrespectful, invisible, just plain bad and damaged. I took that as the reason certain relatives felt the need to sexually abuse me. I spent my life trying to convince and receive approval from my relations to allow me into their loving embrace. Also trying to convince others who felt the same way towards me. After this weekend I am so totally free from that s^&t.

Now I did not go on this visit thinking this would happen. Actually as of Friday I did not want to go. But off I went and I am so happy I did. Because of the desire to find Love, Truth and Compassion for myself, in a healthy way, so I can be that towards others, I had to step out the protective shell I built to be available for whatever. What I witness was a family: my Uncle Baby's wife Linda family. My Uncle had a stroke which left him paralyzed, he can speak a little, cannot walk and has the use of one hand. Linda lovingly care for his needs and so do her family. He is surrounded by people who love caring for him, even though he can not physically protect and support them. They are a happy group who enjoy each others company and know how to be there at a time of crises. For them Love is and they surrender to its presence to guide. I did not witness this from my relations, to any extent that I have seen this from Linda's family and Bobby's family (my fiance). My relations are not in for the long haul, unless it is their immediate family. The love that was present in abundance from Linda's family, I never felt from my relations nor seen. This is my truth. What I also witness is how my family used and continues to use the bible to justify their behavior to inflict hurt on people. This point I never realized before until this weekend.

The light switch came on when Bobby told me what my other uncle (who is a minister and my relations are very religious and subscribe to this uncles philosophy) who was there on Saturday told him and my father. There is a passage in the bible about when the Jews left Egypt, they came upon a village who for some reason would not let them enter. Supposedly God told Moses or someone to wipe the village out so the Jews could continue to the promise land. My uncle felt this could be used as a precedence to wipe out Afghanistan. Kill everyone, women, children, the elderly, animals, plants, trees, everything. When Bobby told me this, my entire life around my relations and came to mind and I got it. This is their truth and who they believe they truly are, and in no way is that philosophy on my bad day mine. We are not family, we are related. A relation might feel no remorse, no emotion on death or suffering, especially if they inflicted the damage. Family wishes to participate to alleviate suffering and bring some comfort. Family loves you no matter what you do, they might not like it and attempt to reign you in but they do so because they care and wants your happiness. This is my Truth. Relations disown, judge, manipulate, gossip, abuse (physically and sexually) and think they have a moral right to do so because they found justification or repentance from the bible. This is NOT my Truth. And these were the people I looked for acceptance and validation. Hell to the no more. I am free from them and others who subscribe to this type of bullS&*t. I now can have compassion for myself, real compassion and it feels wonderful. I appreciate my fiance, my wonderful friends who are my family and all the beautiful souls I have not yet met. As for my relations, God bless them and keep them, I owe them only my happiness that is all.

Until next time

Love and Light