Shadow and Light

My life has become clearer since the trip to Maryland to see family. I dedicated a earlier blog page basically disowning my connection to my family and being self-righteous. What I first discovered was just how fucked up my relations on my father’s side are. My Uncle Blen told Bobby that in the Bible there was a passage that could be interpreted from God to destroy Afghanistan. Now besides the fact the innocent humans, plants, animals could be killed, toxins permeating the air, my uncle is a Baptist minister. It became clear to be that my father’s family’s way of viewing and treating people boarders on just stupid and down right mean. It also explains their treatment of me and what they consider correct behavior.

Now the idea that I spent the past 40 something years wishing to be accepted, approved and loved by this mindset was the eye opener and release from my self imposed prison. Because I was raised by this thought process, believed it internally, I participated in my life’s unhappiness, but had no clue other than I believed I was bad. Now I know in the depth of my soul this is not true. What I also got after going over and over in my head, my conversation with my Aunt Mattie is I also can exhibit the same wronging and punishment of people. I have participated in superiority separation of anyone who I felt rejected and hurt me. This is my shadow. By rejecting and delegating my family to relations thus practicing duality, I am practicing their behavior and the cycle continues. If I accept my shadow as an aspect of me, then I must also claim my relations and place them back into my life. Now this does not mean we go out to dinner and I share intimate details of my soul. What this means is I respect, honor and are polite and cordial to them. In essence, I must not practice their behavior onto them or anyone. I have a lot of work to do, cleansing this mindset out of my cells, but I have the tools: I am perfect and complete dwelling in the love and light of the most high. I so believe this inside and in my mind and the idea keeps me in alignment.

I found this week easy to be in alignment with Sacred Spirit and easy to get out of alignment and view people with shadow thoughts, at those times, I am in the energy of my shadow consciousness. Others might call this ego; I like keeping the focus on shadow morphing into Light. Another realization this week has been my heart staying open and feeling compassion for people engaging in shadow behavior. Things now are either Light or Shadow; I like knowing this concept as truth. No more good/bad, just as shadow exists all I have to do are bring my focus to Light. The shadow has a certain energetic feeling to me and so does Light. Light brings me energy; shadow makes me tired and sad. Shadow has wonderful uses though, it gently reminds me that compassion is needed somewhere and I must find it open my heart more and send love. I do not know how to cleanse my past thoughts and experiences from my cellular consciousness but I am making it a priority not to incur more shadow. The idea forgiveness just came to mind. Maybe truly forgiving will be the key? This morning I will fold and put away our laundry, I can use that time to meditate on the concept of past forgiveness.